If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
Randomize
