Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Randomize
