Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Randomize
