i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
