My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
She just used a chaser for red wine.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
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