Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
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