i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
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