oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
Fuck appropriateness.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
