When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Randomize
