dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
