found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
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