I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Randomize
