I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Randomize
