Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
pray to the hookup gods
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
