She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
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