My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Randomize
