is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Randomize
