Are we in a gay sports bar?
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
