Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
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