dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
