Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
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