Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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