Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
