They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
