the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
