do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Randomize
