i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Randomize
