He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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