i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Randomize
