I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Randomize
