In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
two words: eviction party
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
