just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
Randomize
