So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
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