And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
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