I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
