I heard we made out
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
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