I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
