just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
