Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
it hurts more in the daytime
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Randomize
