another moral hangover. fuck.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
it's like heaven, but drunker
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Randomize
