So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
