i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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