Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
