I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
being pregnant is like rehab
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
