Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Randomize
