Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
Randomize
