i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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