I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
