If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
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