she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize
